The Last Gunfighters Ballad

livejournal KOAL
its been a while since i used this jaun...
but imbored and am up supernaturally early on a saturday...
stuffs been goin ok...
i guess...
promotion thing so i dont wanna gauge my eyes out everyday...
friends and such...
but despite how much i can pretend it wont...
its all gonna change at the end of may...
itll be summer time and were not gonna have a base of operations...
like no more kens house to go drink at...
or just sit there and watch tv or run a game...
not that we wont find anywhere else to do those things...
but its always seemed like to me...
the apartment was like a comfort zone...
which...
despite how much it sucks sometimes...
people just come over walk in and sit down...
void of any invitiation...
cuz its like a place anyone could just chill...
but moving back with auntie dearest will change that...
and without the apartment being like hq...
i almost worry like...me over anyone else...
im gonna disappear off the baseball field...
ziggy and jesse go to school together...
zack lives with lane...
ziggy and bsteve always go there...
danks does his own thing...
i dunno...
livejournal was only ever good for bitching anyway...

livejournal KOAL




































































































yup

yeah...noone reads these anymore...
well thats not true...
cuz i still do...
and that means someone else out theres gotta...
and people post entries now and then...
entries i always get around to reading...
so livejournal isnt completely dead...
yet...
lots of shit and absolutely nothing has happened lately...
and its whatever...
i try to find good times whereever i can...
be it in a comic book, a movie, or a bottle...
and friends help too...
yes sir.
had a bit of a fallin out with a one buck brennan...
he got angry...
took us all off his tops...
then put us all back on...
and by us i mean everyone but me.
but thats cool...
i mean its just myspace...
right?
goin to new york on friday to see 300 with mah boys...
thats gonna be great...
bubblegum got royally fucked but i hope shes on the road to recovery...
it sucks having to depend on people for rides again...
i ran a successful dnd campaign...
which hasnt really happened since modern...
managed a big ol game with two parties...
and in my opinion i did it in style...
in other news...
shits about to change...
drastically...
in the very near future...
i dunno whether itll end up bein for better or for worse...
but that doesnt really matter much...
cuz its gonna happen anyway...
i just hope...
well i hope i dont lose touch with everybody...
without like...
a hangout central...
everyones gonna pretty much be doin their own thing...
and bein at my moms...
and not in school with anyone...
i dont wanna end up s-realmed...
but...
if thats what the future has in store for me...
then so be it...
ill make in rain on them hoes.
in other news...
stevedaves comin over tonight...
and i hope dutcher hangs too...
everybodies goin on spring break and shit soon...
which is gay...
cuz spring breaks dont exist where im from...
or more like...
where im at...
sigh...
ive missed you livejournal...


















SIKE!
seacrest out.

the thing about it is...crappy as life is...as wrong as messed up and as blatantly unfair as life is...what its got going for it is hope...


you hope tomorrow youll get that job you need...or your kids will stop thinkin your a frickin idiot and start liking you again...you hope that someone..somewhere...will actually wanna have sex with you...

take away hope...youve got nothin...
youve got a guy who robs to make money...
a mother who drowns her kids rather then raise them in loneliness...
you got a guy who rapes instead of lookin for love...

thing is...without hope...you aint got shit.

the thing about it is...you expect the weak to come to a weaklings end...they come into the world without recourse to achieve...
theyre born to fold at their first peak...at the hand thats dealt them...
its when the strong fail to survive that its time to get nervous...
theyre our bellwether...what we aspire to...
we sure as hell dont aspire to be pussies.
so when the strong go down...like turned out prom queens...weeping and crying in a shivering heap...



what chance to the rest of us have?



not much of one...
thats for damn sure.

so the past couple of weeks have been pretty good...
cept the kitchen thing...
and the stevedave incident...
and the danks picking up ziggy dutcher and salina...
telling me they are going to the cherry hill mall...
tell me that i can meet them there...
and then leave me there for like 2 hours...
that was fucking sweeet.
but yeah...
i started drinking again...
well more often...
i got a job at the pharmacy...
and im probably gonna quit the ritz cuz like everyone cool is leaving anyway...
i had to go pick up bowties at the deptford mall today...
so i went and got zack from rowan...
and got paid for it haha...
christmas time is soon.
im excited...
clausing it is like the 8th best thing ever...
hmmm...
frames done...
i probably already said this...
but yeah its gonna premeire at the ritz...
in philly sometime in early january...
so anyone wants to come lemme know...
mutants and masterminds is awesome...
still miss chris' dnd game though...
i gotta poop...
but i think i left my comic in the car...
*sigh*

so watched frame...
after workin on it for like a year..
a few of us got together and watched it...
it was good...
there was some flaws...
but it was enjoyable...
plus it was all friends in it so that makes it cool.
gonna mass produce the dvd and give it to people for christmas.
theres gonna be a soundtrack too...
roselli and mclelland are working on a new movie too.
so fun.
i got my paycheck today and its enough to pay my car insurance and live for another week.
so thats cool.
christmas is comin up.
i like buying gifts for people and stuff...
its fun.
thats about it.

jesse just keeps talkin...and i really dont think anyone cares what hes saying.
im at rutgers new brunswick.
with chris and jesse visiting dani.
yup.
they have these ridiculous trucks that make sandwiches with whatever you want on them.
a man just ran in here.
who is he?
CYU!

wtf

i cant take it anymore i wanna type this shit in caps just cuz i feel like screaming it...i hate where i am right now...in every way...i cant make enough fucking money to afford living where i do so every second im here im just oweing people...not just people....my friends and fucking family more and more and more i hate working as much as i do i hate the fact that i feel so fucking absolutely useless in the grand scheme of things i hate that its so hard to have fun anymore, well scratch that its so EASY cuz all i have to so is watch tv with one of my friends and i can consider that fun...because of how fucking bad everything else is...i hate that alot of my other friends are feeling this way too but what the fuck can any of us do about it...i know i should just man the fuck up and realize that this is fucking all im gonna have...for the rest of my life...working whatever fucking job will hire me...for whatever minimum wage is at the time...to barely get by with rent and car insurance and all that shit...and just dig my self deeper in debt with friends and shit...like AH i cant even explain this feeling...its like a void...and theres no way i can think of to fucking fix it...i wish i could read books or comics or watch tv or movies or play dnd all the fucking time to just escape this horrible nothingness reality...like SD said we need a fucking cause...but theres no fucking motivation for me to do the shit i do the only reason i work as much as i do is cuz i dont wanna bring the people around me down any more than i already have...in like 20 or so fucking years if im not dead im gonna be one of those douchebags shitting in the goddamned subway....cuz ive decided fuck misfortune and all that shit...you only get that low because YOU fucked up and couldnt fix it...and thats right where im headed...at least everybody is fucking miserable and un happy in college where they actually may be forming some sort of future for themselves...but no not me im goin through this daily hell for no other reason cept to do it again the next day...i mean dont get me wrong theres some fun times in between...but im fucking DYING.

By the powers vested in me...

It has come to my attention the stresses of friendship that have befallen my young cousin and his friends. Those that mimic in every way those that have come before them. In order to save the friendship of the group, and guide them down the path of the pure...



As a core member of the original Basement Dwellers, and a subsequent member to the group after the period known as, "the Time of Reformation," i do hereby decree:

* That a new formation shall be created, to further the "Dweller" name into more good fortunes.
* To preserve the core ideals placed into effect by the members of the Basement Dwellers upon the "Time of Reformation."
* To guide a new generation on the path of the righteous that has come to be know as Dungeons & Dragons.

This new group shall be an extension of the Basement Dwellers, and shall therefore be known as "the Dweller Auxiliary." This new group shall, as in accordance with the statues put into effect by the original members of the Basement Dwellers, fight the good fight, and struggle against the oppression of those ignorant to their causes.

The "Dweller Auxiliary" shall also abide by the strict and rigid codes set forth by the Basement Dwellers many years ago. They shall also convene every friday eve, to institute a game of Dungeons & Dragons, which shall therefore continue to be played throughout the length of stay of the "Dweller Auxiliary."

Dweller Laws:

1. For good or for awesome.
2. Loyalty before honor.



All Basement Dwellers in favor of this motion, say "aye."

~ the Mighty Cristof, member of the high council of BD

last night was fun...
me and dutcher had an adventure...
we got hot chocolate...
and rendezvoused with rich croce...
battle the atco ghost...
and listened to stevedaves piece of shit directions to try and get to stockton...
which ended up being a big waste of time and gas...
it was fun though...
got home at like 4...
went to sleep...
woke up 1.5 hours late for the carwash...
i think my time there is gonna expire soon...
i need to find a new job...either one for the mornings...
and keep workin the ritz at night...
or one for the nights and work ritz in the morning...
its so bad i hate it...
ive never worked more in my life then i do now...
and yet ive never been so in debt to people and so poor...
i hate it...
and its never gonna change...
no matter how many jobs i work...
or where i live...
itll never change...

last night was really fun

what the fuck i cant stand this movie it doesnt make sense and the main character is so annoying danks got his license today and it was cool and who the hell is this asshole saying fil-let mig-non mother fucker you dont say that shit that way where are you from halo this weekend should be fun and you cant go walkin around with a dick when you trying to act like youre a bitch i wanna run my game burpin and shit while you pee who does that anyway i wanna play in ray's game where you piss from in a dress anyway you werent lifting that shit up and i dont think it had a fly i work a lot but whatever its cool i still see everybody WHAT ARE YOU juwanna man is some bullshit i cant even take it i wanna play 40k again too

so i just read like a buncha peoples el jays...
and it seems like everybodys kinda in da same boat...
with the wearin themselves out and the tiredness...
but although my boat is similar im in a different seaaaaa...
but thats just cuz for me its work work not school work...
im actually sick...
and i havent been since last november...
when i first started at the ritz...
i made eggs like dave said to but...
it didnt work...
and smoking clears my nose up but...
makes me cough more...
i called out of the carwash today...
but instead of just being able to like relax...
or hang out with soupchin and danks...
i have to film FRAME.
it was fun in the beginning but now its like a chore...
bah...
im gonna go get a salad and some vitamin water soon...
me and danks were talking and hes right...
we dont do anything anymore...
all of us have school or work all week...
and on weekends...
but when the weekend comes the only thing we can find to do...
is get wasted...
danks is like what happened to like halo and dnd...
why dont we see OUR friends anymore...
now we just drink all the time with kids from work...
not that they arent our friends but i know what he means...
blah...
so were gonna try halo on oct 7...
and ray willis is runnin a dnd game for me stevie p and danks...
and maybe iesha or ziggy...
i dunno yet...
also i want my damn shit to get here that i bought online...
its makin me very suspicious!
whatever...

i gotta shit...
work at the c wash is easy...
if i had a computer that worked my away message could be...
working at the carwash yeah...
but it cant...
so oh well...
went to a party thinger the other day...
although it was a ritz shindig...
stevedave and jesse came with me and danks...
it was fun...
BIG O SHOWTIME...
work is aight...
well ritz that is...
worked a super long shift the other day...
but that wasnt that bad...
...



hows everybody?

sigh...

ive gotten rid of a few people on my 'friends' list...
cuz thats what its called right...a FRIENDS list...
im sick of lookin at your ridiculous as fucking entries...
blabbing about shit you know nothing about...
like anything you could ever do would ever torture me...
you are a joke...
and you deserve what i did to you...
you couldnt have expected to get away with what you did to me...
like id really go...
gosh darn you know this really is a sticky situation but i guess its alright...
fuck no.
you fuck with me you get fucked.
and which level of hell is it exactly that backstabbing mother fuckers go to?
you deserve a place next to the likes of benedict brutus and judas...
the only stain on my soul is from you...
and id fucking just as soon call kegan my brethren before you.
so fuck you.
grow up.
and quit it with the livejournal entries.
cuz im done reading them.

youd think you could trust someone...
after what...16 years...
maybe we werent friends the whole time...
but we knew eachother and we werent enemies...
and then the one thing i told you and noone else...
the one thing that really mattered...
you went and told the whole world...
not literally but you may as well have...
how could you claim to be my friend...
and hang out and laugh...
and do all that other stuff with me and our other friends...
then you go and do this...
its not like you mentioned to a few people...
or like it was drunk conversation...
you flat out told everybody...
and you didnt just ruin my life...
you ruined stevedaves too...
but hes goin away to college...
and im stuck here...
and have to deal with everybodys shit...
you hurt me more than anyone could ever...
to betray my trust like that...
the fake smiles and jokes may stick around...
as a facade we put up for our other friends...
but as far as im concerned we are over.